When a conflict develops between you and your mother-in-law, your husband can make it worse without meaning to. He may be so awed by his mother that he stands by and watches while she intrudes into his life. Or he is so attached to her that he refuses to risk hurting or offending her by asking her to respect the integrity of his marital relationship. As a result, it is mom who pulls all the strings. The son wants to be loyal to his wife but by being so, he feels like a traitor to his mother.

If you tried several means and you still are not able to make peace with your mother in law, it is likely that your husband may be at fault. Perhaps, he is not ready to grow up and leave the parental embrace. It is possible that he has unconsciously encouraged his mother to think of him “hers” first and “yours” second. When he allows mother to cuddle him by letting her attend to his personal comforts or preparing his favorite dish, he is actually fueling feelings of competition. He may enjoy every minute of the conflict. For awhile, after all, he now has two women vying for his attention, waiting to feed and adore him, and he may see no need to change the situation but he may soon realize that this might be the proper time to make an assessment of the marriage and will try to remedy the thorny situation.

To avoid conflict between his wife and his mother, the husband must grow up and try to maintain a good relationship with his mother without being coerced, controlled or repressed by them.

The husband then must make it clear to both women that is wife has become the primary attachment but it doesn’t mean cutting his mother out of his life or ceasing to love her which is every mother’s fear. A truly adult son can love his mother while belonging to the woman he married. When a mother-in-law realizes that there’s room for her son’s affection as well as for his wife, she will stop feeling competitive. 

Making peace with your mother-in-law is never easy but knowing that your husband is on your side is a great consolation. Just remember that she is his mother and marriage makes her your mother too. If you get discouraged, remind yourself that it's worth learning to get along with her, for the sake of your marriage. And when you have come to terms with in-law problems you will find that your mother-in-law can be a wonderful person, after all.