Simone de Beauvoir, a French existentialist writer, once wrote a book about women entitled, The Second Sex. The book was an analysis of women in their economic and social roles throughout history. It was far from being a book about how women should be won, but as part of her treatment of the social structure and the relationship of men and women in society, she devoted some pages to the power that women hold over men.

She said a woman holds power over a man by being "the other," by being something other than what he is. What she means is that as a stranger, a woman holds power over a man. As an intimate friend, she may at best hold power with him. The word "with" implies that the power is given or allowed as a decision, while the word "over" implies that power is possessed against the other's conscious will.

In western society, unfortunately, while a woman should be someone you put yourself in harmony with to enjoy, the reality, in most cases, is that she is someone to contend with for control. Underneath all the light conversation, witty jokes, and casual remarks is a power struggle for control of the relationship. What should be agreement too often turns out to be manipulation.

In large measure, but with a willingness to acknowledge some glaringly notorious exceptions, I would say that the way in which a woman holds power, either with or over a man, is determined by his awareness of the process by which she charms. A man, who understands how a woman charms, gives power to that woman for the excellence of her articulation.

A man who is charmed but knows not how the fact was accomplished is captivated by that power in the same way that a bull is subdued by a bullfighter. Should a bull discover the process by which the bullfighter eludes him, and were he intelligent enough to discuss it, the bullfighter might well convince the bull to continue for both their pleasures? He no longer has power over the bull, but with the bull.

A man breaks the power a woman's charm holds over him by knowing how she charms him, but he can reverse that power by explaining to her just how she does it. Women love men who are consciously aware that someone is trying to manipulate them. This awareness keeps a woman from gaining control of the relationship. A man should guide his relationship with a woman, or before too long there will be no relationship at all.